Why I’d Rather Be Me


My previous blogs have been negative places. Not totally so, but often they have been a place of putting myself down and throwing pity parties.  I don’t want this blog to be like that. 


Today I have been thinking about balance.  Often we hear all sorts of people talk about the importance of balance.  The Bible says to be well-balanced (see 1 Peter 5:8).  This is a challenge to those of us who are extreme.


I am extreme.  This often concerns the more conservative and reserved amongst us.  I’m like the weather that goes along with the season I was named after. Autumnal weather is a beautiful, riotous lesson in extremes.  


Yesterday was an emotional rollercoaster ride. In the course of a few hours I went from the depths of despair to the heights of an unpredicted joy. At least the day went in the right direction. I am grateful. I love it when things go the right way. The thing is…


Were it not for my ability to embrace the extremes, yes, I might of rode through the day less disturbed, shaken, and with considerably less tears…  but then I also wouldn’t have experienced the total elation, the high that the roller coaster ended up on – at least I wouldn’t have experienced it in all it’s undiluted fullness and glory.


I know that one cannot always trust their feelings, but I still like to feel. I am an intense, passionate person.  This is the main reason why I never want to go back on antidepressants.  Sure, they numb the lows a tad, but they also numb the highs.  This is a problem for me, because not only does it take away some (definitely not all) of the sting of the depression it also takes away the robust feeling of elation when there is something to rejoice over. And, anyone who has read my blogs before knows, my main problem with the medication is that it numbs physical pleasure.  To me, that doesn’t make for a happy – or, for that matter, well-balanced – person!


I am finding balance in my extremes. I’ll pay the price of pain to experience the intensity of delight.  I’d rather be intense than to be lukewarm or vanilla or anything less than mindblowing.


I have finally realised, yeah… I’d rather be me.


And, that’s pretty positive. šŸ˜‰


2 responses to “Why I’d Rather Be Me

  1. You know how SOMETIMES we clash? (Because, frankly, two redheads can’t always see eye-to-eye . . . that would be silly.)Part of the reason (on my end) is because I so envy your passion. I was just commenting (lamenting really) the other day on how I am not passionate about anything. I have no passions, not really, not to the true definition.I think it’s awesome that you’d rather be you. I think you’re pretty darn skookum (this is a good thing). I think you may just be on that mighty fine list of women I want to be (if I ever get to growing up, which seems unlikely at this point).I think you’re neat.

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