Getting What You Deserve

Every woman deserves a man who calls her baby, kisses her like he means it, holds her tight like he never wants to let go, doesn’t cheat, wipes her tears when she cries, doesn’t make her jealous of other women, instead makes other women jealous of her, is not scared to let his friends know how he really feels about her, and lets her know how much he really loves her….. Repost if you agree…


I’ve been seeing this pop up on a few people’s status messages on Facebook today, and it allows me to expound on a subject near and dear to my heart; it lets me rant about a pet peeve. 

I would never repost such a thing.  And, when I go into my strong opinions as to why, I am sure I will get criticised. However, I’m still going to share, because I feel strongly that, while the great throng of men (specifically husbands) do not need me to defend them, I, as a woman, am willing to both be brutally honest and be supportive of the other side of the story. And, there most definitely is another side!

 See, I cannot imagine a status message coming out which reads something like:


Every man (specifically husband) deserves a woman (wife) who treats him with respect, encourages his dreams, allows him to be a man, regularly falls on her knees in front of him and rocks his world, regularly meets him at the door and delivers more than just a promise (that later is likely to get broken by “a headache” or some other lame excuse), doesn’t make him jealous of other men but goes out of her way to give him bragging rights with other men (making them wish they had wives like her), gives him no time to even look at another woman because she knows exactly what he wants and delights in giving it to him: she knows him so well, loves and desires and needs and wants him so much and knows if she wants him to respond to her like she wants him to she’s gotta give in order to receive……Repost if you agree…


 In other words, this woman doesn’t get the cart before the horse, and she doesn’t just expect all that stuff in the  “every woman (wife) deserves message” unless she’s ready and willing to do what’s in the “every man (husband) deserves message”!   See, I’m tired of all the people who think the ball is always in the man’s court and that they have to earn certain things from their wives. There are women who tend to think that sex is something they pay their husband IF – and only IF – their husband doesn’t annoy them, instead of seeing it for what it is: a need.

 Now, I realise I have a slight advantage over many women, in that I have I have a higher than average sex-drive than the average female.  But, even if you find yourself in the average category, I still don’t see how this excuses you. Sex isn’t a favour. It’s not a weapon. It shouldn’t be withheld when he isn’t changing like you think he should change and it shouldn’t be given as a reward for when he does change or do what you want him to do. You should desire it as much as he does, but even if you don’t desire it as intensely, darlin’, I can promise you that by giving in this area you are the one who will win, because he is much more likely to bend in areas for you if you will rock his world in areas for him. But, as much as I’d like to camp on sex, this isn’t only about sex.

This is about not being a controlling, nagging, non-encouraging, manipulating woman (wife).  It’s about not using emotional blackmail to manipulate and control and emasculate your husband, just as it is about not using sex as leverage.  It’s about respect. Because, Sweet Cheeks, if you want  – or think you deserve – all that stuff in the first message, then you must deserve it, indeed. You aren’t entitled to it unless you are willing to do and be the second message.

So, I wonder how many people would repost it if I posted a message like the one I have written here in this blog on the mighty Facebook. I bet a great many of men would, but, unfortunately, I also suspect they’d get attacked for doing it. I know a few extremely rare and beautiful women – who I love dearly – who would do it, as well.  But, I know a great many more who will be offended and angry at me and, most likely, hit me with, “How dare you?”  Even sadder yet will be the men who defend such women. And, for those of you who do that, I would suggest that you are getting exactly what you deserve!

The Week That Never Should Have Been

It began all right.  Actually, if you (like I) consider Sunday to be the first day (and not the last) of the week, it started brilliantly. And, Monday and Tuesday came and went without too much stress or strain or sorrow. We were looking forward to Wednesday and my youngest daughter starting big school. Jamie took the day off so he would be there in the chaos, emotional upheaval and physical exhaustion of it all (although we were not concerned to much about her having seperation anxiety issues: she had gone to preschool, had loved it, and was looking forward to getting out of the house and back with her friends).  

First of all, going to school here is not like going to school there – in the U.S. – where I grew up. A great deal of the parents walk their kids to/from school as opposed to driving to take and pick them up.  This presents me with great difficulties. This puts me in the position of being very exposed in a village that I find hostile (it is also very physically tiring – it’s quite a trek to the school). I never wanted to live here, but that’s where the council stuck us when we had to get out of our one-bedroomed flat after having Fairlight. This village has a lot of personal history, and it was the last place – next to hell – I wanted to move to. It’s enough to send the emotionally and mentally balanced into PTSD.  However, for someone, such as I, who struggles with depression and social anxiety to begin with…well, let’s just say, this makes living here more than just a mild daily challenge. But, you are told to deal with it and “get on with it” (I want to find whoever came up with this phrase and slowly roast them over a firey pit after equally slowly skinning them alive. I want to do the same thing to the person who said, “That which doesn’t kill you makes you stronger”, but, I digress).  But, hey, by the grace of God, I was able to cope during the time Fairlight went to preschool. Some days were tough because I just didn’t want face certain people that are about in this village, but the days that were most tough were when my daughter would throw tantrums, drawing unwanted bad attention from judgemental people.  I was hoping that when big school started that she would calm down some (instead of getting worse) and maybe we could just get in and out and back home each day relatively unscathed.  Uh huh….  well, I’ve been wrong before.

Today it reached it’s pinnacle when, no matter what I did (I would have been willing to give her the world had she stopped her horrible, relentless, screaming), I couldn’t stop her from humiliating and embarrassing me; all the way home she screamed at her very loudest, one reason after another, as if she was trying to do the most harm she possibly could to me.  I know she was not thinking about me at all…she just wanted her own way about any and everything.  Being nice and lenient wouldn’t quiet her down. Being firm and disciplinarian didn’t work.  And there I was, in the open, no where to hide, while all the eyes were on me with people drawing all sorts of wrong conclusions – I knew what they were all thinking. There was no greater damage that could have been done. And, I wonder how quickly (because gossip travels fast in this God forsaken village) this news will get back to certain people/person that it will, no doubt, delight no end. 

Every single day that I had to face going out into the village was a challenge to me. But, I was learning, if not to enjoy it, to bear it. Now, this.  And, this, honestly, is far too much.

No picture today. This looks all too sad, ugly, and hopeless to have a photograph even begin to depict the depth of despair.