End of music (well the industry, that is) announced at the Grammy Awards. How do we feel about this one, eh?
I remember, when I was young – when I was the little girl with the big voice – I would sit and watch the Grammy’s every year, picturing myself receiving award after award… writing my acceptance speeches in my head.
When the years went by and I was never properly discovered by anyone with the power to do something about the little girl with the big voice and I just became that young woman with the interestingly deep voice (whoa, run-on sentence there), I kept hope alive somewhere inside me, but slowly, over time, and with age, it shrivelled up while never fully dying.
Now, realising “I had a bottle full of dreams…” (you know the rest, or hopefully you do, if NOT, click the link!) – I have accepted that it would be a major achievement just to fight for any and all crumbs I can get, and make the most of my talent where and when I can, and hopefully make some money at it (because I can’t do anything else) while touching people with my music (which is, ultimately more important than the money, but I do need to eat). Again, just a dream, really. The dreams get tinier and tinier and still they seem impossible. Sad.
I’m old. I’m tired. I’m still dreaming… but I know I fight a losing battle. And, I guess that’s the way it is with something you love so much, something that is SO much a part of the fabric that makes you you that you cannot for a moment separate you and the music – you just CAN’T let it go. Even though you know you should give it up, you can’t do it…it’s like cutting out your own heart. And, I see those who never dreamed they would be something in music, being HANDED a career on a flippin’ silver platter – and that is hard. I wish them well, I bear them no ill will… but people need to understand, it is extremely hard for me to take. Especially when I know I’m just as – if not more – talented. The little girl cries, “IT’S NOT FAIR!” And, it isn’t. Life isn’t.
Part of me thinks… YAY, let the industry end. I never made it the old way, and I’m not making it the new-fashioned, digital way either. I think, “Let music just be music, made by and for those who love it, in homes by the fireside, shared with those close and dear. But let the industry, and their unfairness, double-standards and hopelessness (for artists like me), go ahead and die.” But then, the little girl with the big voice (and the even bigger delusions) rears her head and hopes in vain (and in pain) for the career and the recognition and the accolades she will never have, and I know that regardless of whether the music industry is dying, there is one that most certainly needs to die: the little girl needs to die.
Alas, I just don’t know how to kill her off. 😦