The problems are being fixed. Please wait…

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Wow, 921 problems corrected, immediately – with the click of a finger, in the blink of an eye. This morning, after clicking the notice given by my anti-virus for maintenance, my computer screen began speaking to me. I thought about how I wish I could fix my 921 (at least) problems by clicking a button; I wish human maintenance and mental and emotional health was that simple; I want to hit a button and have my mind defragmented!

However, when the day went on and the defrag continued into the afternoon and the evening, this is what hit me:

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While the 921 problems were rectified almost instantly at my click, this defragging biz takes time and is a longer process (especially when there is “severe fragmentation”). A sermon was forming…

Please wait…

Isaiah 30:18:

So the Lord must wait for you to come to him so he can show you his love and compassion. For the Lord is a faithful God. Blessed are those who wait for his help.

At the cross, 921 problems (and more) were – instantly and forever – taken care of when Jesus said, “It is finished.” There is no power in religion, only in relationship, and the way was made, then and there, for all time, for that relationship to happen. So, what now?

So now, people like me (with issues and “severe fragmentation”) have hope. But, the defragging (restoring of the soul) is something that doesn’t just – poof – happen. It’s a process that takes time. Just as the computer files have to be carefully worked through, so my “internal system”, my “hard drive” aka my soul (in other words: my mind, will and emotions) take some major sorting out. Or what? I will run sluggishly and I will, more times than not, crash.

Because of the finished work of Jesus, spiritually, I am peachy keen (that’s a theological term, don’tcha know). And, ultimately, I know, one day, I’m going to see this:

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BECAUSE OF THIS HERE:

Philippians 1:6:

…being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.

But, right now I am here:

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And, I am promised that “the problems are being fixed” and am advised (over and over again): please wait…

Psalm 27: 13-14:

I believe that I shall look upon the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living! Wait for the  Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!

Isaiah 40:31:

But they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.

And, there are many, many more places where waiting upon the Lord is encouraged and instructed. So, here’s my little paraphrase, in light of my ‘puter’s defrag lesson:

St. Autumn 1:1-2:

Wait upon the Lord and you shall be defragmented. The problems are being fixed; please wait.

What is waiting? Well, the original Hebrew in these places where it says “to wait” more literally means to be expectant. So, it isn’t just a resigned sitting around. It is an expectant trust.

This is GOING TO HAPPEN (He’s promised it):

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But, it doesn’t just happen with the click (it only STARTS with the click). It’s a journey that He is committed to, that so must I be if I want an optimized operating system minus interference. I must…

Please wait…

And so, my response shall continue (with expectation) to be:

Psalm 130:5-6:

I wait for the Lord , my soul waits, and in his word I hope; my soul waits for the Lord more than watchmen for the morning, more than watchmen for the morning.

What Time Is It?

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Time to get a watch!

I haven’t worn a watch in years; I depend on my phone to tell me the time. But, on Thursday, at a craft fair I was invited to, I spied this, and it wanted me. My generous husband granted its desire. I’ve worn it everyday since getting it, but I’m still not used to looking at my wrist to know the time; doing so will take…time. It’s oddly convenient and satisfyingly aesthetically pleasing.

Caged or Uncaged?

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Which bird are you? Which bird would you be?

About a year and a half or so ago, I saw this necklace hanging in a shop window and had to have it; it immediately spoke (volumes) to me. What a visual sermon it preaches! I wear it every time I want/need to be reminded which bird I am…and which bird I want to be.

Do Not Attempt To Dissect Me From My Art…

“Do not attempt to dissect me from my art: my art is the very essence – the deepest and truest expression – of who I am.” – Autumn Dawn Leader

When I first created this quote/picture, I did it out of frustration with people attempting to “get me to see my worth and value apart from my talent”. That never goes over too well with any artist (in any medium), really. It’s not that we are (all) unaware, or refuse to acknowledge, the other (perhaps good) stuff that’s in us.  It’s that we (primarily) want to be perceived and known by our “deepest and truest expression”.  So, that’s what this quote is about. I said it for all musicians, singers, songwriters,  painters, sculpters, photographers, etc. – all artists, everywhere.

Wholeness That Swallows Up My Brokenness

“In Him I meet wholeness that swallows up my brokenness.” – Autumn Dawn Leader

I call out to God from my depths. The depths of despair. The depths of depression. The depths of depravity. The depths of myself. The depths of my humanity. And, in Him I find mercy, forgiveness, help, hope and healing; I find full redemption.

In Him I meet wholeness that swallows up my brokenness.

 

People are just so…

“People are just so… human.” – Autumn Dawn Leader

Infuriating?

Exasperating?

Seriously screwed up?

Fallen?

I remember that idiotic book that came out some decades ago entitled, “I’m Ok, You’re Ok.” I have always wanted to write one in retaliation titled, “I’m not OK, and neither are you!”

I know, it is a very Christian term to use the word “fallen” to describe humanity. But, look at the world, PEOPLE! I’d say that fallen describes people better than any other word. Fallen below what? Well, as a Christian, I believe fallen (FAR) short of the glory of God. But, whatever you believe (and, I am seriously not wanting to get into any theological debate of any sort – there are other places to do that…and, I repeat, that place is NOT my blog), humanity is a wreck, and the condition is most easily seen when more than one of us decides to engage with any other one of us. Because, as I have said before, no one has an untainted perspective. We carry our messed up selves into every interaction, whether casual or more intimate. What a recipe for potential disaster.

This sounds depressing, doesn’t it? Well, I would say, you are reading my blog, aren’t you? However, while there is great potential for disaster, there is also a decent amount of potential for great good.  And, while I am most definitely NOT what anyone would dare to call a “people-person”, there are one or five of you (give or take 2 or 4) who I am so very grateful for, and this pre-posthumous existence is made better because of your existence.

People are just so…

Loved.

We certainly aren’t very lovable. But, my my, when I think that Perfection clothed Himself with humanity for me. Wow! The death, the pain He suffered… unimaginable in it’s fullness and entirety, but – had it been me (who has no fear of death, who welcomes it as the end of the pre-posthumous existence), I’d have been thinking… “But, soon the suffering will be over!” The thing that gets me, that amazes me, is that He chose to be human – with all the weaknesses and frailities and potential for massive screwed-uppedness. He did that (and didn’t screw up) for me… to raise me above my humanity.

This post went a bit further than I had planned. I trust it went exactly where it was meant to go.

Everybody Hurts…

…sometimes.

Last night, for an event at my church called Jobel’s@7:07, I sang my cover version of the R.E.M. song “Everybody Hurts”, accompanied on guitar by the cosmically talented Mr. Bob Breeze.

The night was all about suffering, you see. Something that, well, if you’ve read many of my posts, you know I am not a stranger to.

I like this song, and I feel I did an overall good interpretation of it (it’s good; watch the vid, people!)…AND I certainly understand the lines that talk about days and nights being too long and feeling like one has had too much of this life. But…

It’s that encouragement to hang and hold on that gets me.

Oh, I know I’m not alone. I know that not everyone suffers from depression and mental illness, but – it’s true that – EVERYONE does hurt, sometimes. And, while many do not suffer with severe depression, anxiety, etc., there are quite a few who do. So, in these regards, I am not alone.

I also know that I am not alone when it comes to having an amazingly supportive husband, a few dear and precious friends, and a loving, saving, God of hope and healing.

Oh, yes. I am certainly not alone.

And yet… sometimes holding/hanging on is more than difficult; it is excrutiating.

And, I know…

I’m not alone.