I Prefer The Alternative


My hands look old.


My face looks old.

I hate this.

Growing old – aging – sucks in a big, ugly way.

And, yes, I do prefer the alternative!


2 responses to “I Prefer The Alternative

  1. What would it take to make you fall in love with yourself, Autumn? As much with your physical, earthly self as you have with your musically talented self. Jamie looks at you as though you are the only woman on the planet and you’ve received accolades for your photos, posted to Facebook and various forums, for years. All of that is fine and good, lovely to read, hear and see, but what would it take for you to understand that you’re not old? That you don’t look old?

    The way you see yourself in every way but musical artist (and sexual dynamo) makes me sad. It’s a lot of responsibility, and may be bullshit, but don’t you owe it to yourself, and the self-confidence levels of your very observant, smart, ever-growing and maturing children, to love yourself as much physically as you do mentally?

    (I wish I could help. It’s something I’ve struggled with. (I think we all have.) For me it’s been a war with my body. I found happiness sweating out some frustration and taking care to put mostly only “good” things into my body. Well that, and through a great deal of meditative thought and sorting what I need to hold on to in my life and what I can cheerfully dismiss. AND some volunteering, impending, that I think may be life changing. But I’m still en route, and think I always will be. It’s a fucking rough journey, that climb to some serious sense of self-worth. Unfortunately, I also think that it’s completely individualized. What works for me obviously won’t work for you – heh, we have vastly differing feelings about the gym. 😉 It’s sure not easy, is it? Any of it.)

  2. One of my very wonderful Church Ministers spoke of the body turning from a best friend into the annoying relative who never leaves… I may have mentioned that before… Anyways, I’m working on trying to make my body hold together for me, I understand your frustration.

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