After the high of having a good day yesterday, today/tonight I am quite out of sorts. I wrestle with how much to share, not because of the sensitive nature of what is causing me angst, but out of desire to be understood, and I don’t know how much of my present woe will be understood by a wide audience. It’s a musician thing… and then, to further narrow the field of those who would “get it”, it’s – specificially – a worship leader thing (well, part of it is a worship leader thing – a big part of it, but there’s some more to what’s upsetting me and most of it is under the heading of “tortured artist”). And, I don’t want to exclude my readers and be, well, exclusive. And, it would take too long to explain. So…I shall type those immortal words: never mind.
So, in looking for some solace (read escape) from this pervading sense of woe, I have perused my WordPress reader, to find that one of my favourite bloggers has put up this:
And, while the photo is nice and the place sounds intriguing, it’s Mark’s line,
“Climb the steps in your imagination and let me know what you see.”
that grabbed me and inspired this post.
I could camp here. I could write a song – and, I don’t know, maybe I shall – on this line. Certainly, if I don’t, someone should. What glories such a line evokes. But, what of the practical application of Mark’s advice?
I stand at the foot of winding stone steps. I cannot see the top from where I stand. I am tired. I am weary. I am out of sorts. I want to sit and rest, not to climb – and yet, these steps beckon me. I will rest when I reach the top, I think – I…hope. Yeah, somehow these steps, the winding stair, the anticipation, it suddenly gives me the motivation I need to move, to climb. Climbing takes effort. I know I will be out of breath by halfway up (I’m not as young as I used to be, and I have heart palpatations and dizzy spells). And, indeed, things begin to get fuzzy and dark around the edges about the time I’m passing the halfway mark. I now wonder why I embarked on this climb in the first place. I now wish I had stayed put, down there. I am now berating myself for ever starting on this foolhardy and sure to be failed mission. Someone, carry me the rest of the way! But, there’s no one there, and it’s either sit down right there in defeat (it’s tempting) or carry on. I could go back down (gravity is in favour), but I’d likely fall if I go in that direction, as dizzy as I am. So, slowly up I go again. One. One more. Another one. Just one more. And again. I’m looking at my feet, willing my legs to go on. My heart pounds and a cold sweat has now broken out on my brow; I feel like I’m going to throw up. I’m nearly there. One more. I lift my eyes…
I MADE IT!
And, that’s the best thing of all I could ever see.