I’ve often explained that depression is NOT sadness. It’s more of a pervasive weariness, an extreme exhaustion…of everything. When I get tired, it’s more difficult than ever to see anything but what’s wrong with life.
I am very tired right now. Physically, I am drained. Is it age? Crappy health? I’m actually exercising more than ever (thanks to Ingress geting me out walking most every day), but it doesn’t matter the form of exercise, it never leaves me with that endorphin lift all the experts (and gym nuts – you know who YOU are!) swear everyone gets. No, not everyone does get a lift from exercise. Some of us just feel more pain than usual. However, my Ingress obsession has kept me active despite feeling like total poo.
I’m not singing either. It’s like I can’t be bothered. Can’t be bothered to do vocal exercises or take care of my voice. It’s almost like I began to be as apathetic as the majority of the world when it comes to my talent. “Oh, you don’t want to discover how great I am? You don’t want to hear me? Yeah, well…fine. Really.”
It’s sort of scary, because I’ve never really been this far down – so down that I no longer care about my music and, specifically, my voice…and, I really do not care.
Life is just so… hard.
I want to rest.
Alas… another day comes… and, trudge, trudge, trudge… oh, look, another portal!
Oh, yeah…and, I know., I usually post some sort of arty visual with my blog posts but… I couldn’t be bothered to do that either. I only had enough energy for the words. You all know what I look like by now anyway.