Limitations Vs. Boundaries

When existing with a disability or chronic pain and illness, one is constantly aware of one’s limitations. The word ‘limitation’ has a negative connotation. I, suppose, I am perceived as a pretty negative person.

Cynical, perhaps. In a very real way, broken and defeated. But, I’m not what I’d call negative but, rather, realistic. Some might call that delusion. Again, I see it differently. And, I’m beginning to see the hindrances I suffer as boundaries rather than limitations. There. A positive spin.

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The Best Friend Boundary
Other people have “besties”, “BFFs”, whatever. I can’t seem to get and keep one of these. It can bother me. Make me feel like I’m not good or lovable enough to have one of these. I know, intellectually, it’s a problem with life and other people (but, mostly just life being the bastard it is), and not because I’m somehow unworthy to have a best friend. It’s just a boundary, with a high wall that can’t be scaled. No answers. No solutions. It is what it is.

The Success Boundary
If success was measured by producing good music, writing brilliant songs and having a beautiful voice, then I’d be extremely successful. But, we all know, success, when it comes to any talent and art, is measured by fame and money. Here lies the boundary I cannot cross. I take comfort in the beauty and virtue of the music I make. It doesn’t pay my bills, however.

There are other boundaries, of course. The Physical Health Boundary, the Mental Health Boundary. These edges I cannot cross. These confinements I must work within.

I do the best I can. And, any small victory is a huge triumph.

One day, life will stop its twisted game with me…death may be longer in coming than I want it to be, but it will have the last word. Until then…like adventurers before me, I explore the boundaries.

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3 responses to “Limitations Vs. Boundaries

  1. I understand what you mean by the friend thing, but I wonder if we might be surprised by how many people feel they don’t have close friends, let alone a so-called BFF. Having said that I do have a best friend: I’m married to her and I’m grateful for her every day.

    Ah, fame and fortune: we all know none but a tiny proportion of artists ever find it but, again, I understand that when this is what you love doing the most it is frustrating for it to be elusive. And we also know there’s frequently no correlation between fame / fortune and the quality of output; doubtless this adds to the frustration. Having said that, as someone belonging to Jesus Christ I need to accept that I will have whatever acclaim / success / good times that He knows to be best. It sounds trite, I know, but I believe it to be true nonetheless. In the past I’ve attempted various ventures and found myself lacking ability, time or energy to make a success of them. So be it.

    It might (or might not) be interesting to analyse in detail exactly what it is about fame / fortune that matters / would make the biggest difference, and why. And, as you say, you know you have a great voice and for that you can thank God. I don’t know what artistic or financial plans He has in mind for you, but I do know those plans are good. Very good, in fact 🙂

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