Facebook is a world of pain. I actually went off it for months but then missed the good stuff it is capable of bringing, so I started using it again. While there are many things to rant and rave about to do with the social network, it’s the ‘Facebook Memories’ or ‘On This Day’ feature which has me writing this post.
It’s a bittersweet thing. And, often, more bitter than sweet.
Now, I don’t have her (see picture) and I am heavily medicated. Not in a padded room, but definitely medicated – for what little good it does me.
I have to wonder if she ever sees these…if she ever looks at her ‘On This Day’.
I didn’t mean to her what she meant to me; obviously. I was convenient when she was in need of someone to talk to, more than willing to be that someone, glad to be needed. But, I wasn’t anything special…just convenient. Until my illness got worse and life got harder and then I became inconvenient.
And even though I know all this, I still miss her because she was special to me, not just a convenient-happened-to-be-there-so-you’ll-do person. She was music and laughter and walks in the forest, and…
I know I’m not worthless just because she treated me so throw-away. I know that. I know. But, I miss her. And, damn you, Facebook. Damn you.