Searching For You

C.S. Lewis said, ‘We read to know we are not alone.’

This is also why we listen to music. And, ‘if sad songs say so much’, as Elton John has rightly said, then my songs speak volumes.

This post is about me finding the right fan base for my music.  See, I know I’m not alone out there in what I suffer with major depression, anxiety, borderline personality disorder, chronic pain, suicidal thoughts and everything that goes along with these conditions. In writing this blog, and reading others, I have certain proof that I am not alone. And, yet, we are all uniquely alone in what we individually suffer. My music helps me to express and, in a very magical way, make beauty come from the horrific thing called life/existence. This is my gift. However, in another way, it complicates matters, because, with it, comes the intense frustration, anger, and sadness of not seeming to be able to get my music out there to the people it will most speak to and resonate with.

The thing is, I need a fan base—and I KNOW you’re out there, I’ve even spoken to a good number of you. Now, there are just a whole lot of people who aren’t ever going to like and support my music (even those who rave about my voice and talent), simply because they can’t relate to it.  I need to find those of you who will relate and find some comfort, expression and solidarity in what I do. I know I’m not alone, but I seem to keep pitching my music to the same people who don’t understand what I am going through in my daily life in general. In this way, I need a very specific audience. I know that audience does exist.  And, I truly believe it is an audience that NEEDS a musical voice.

I don’t want this post to just be some advertisement. And, I don’t want it to be me begging for people to check out my music like some sad failed loser of an indie artist. This is simply me putting out a search to see who’s out there in this Blogdom that my music might touch. ‘Hello? Is it me you’re looking for?’

Yes, I know that even for those of us with similar health problems, our musical tastes are not all going to be the same, of course…  but, if you are a music lover, just check my stuff out – if it vibes with you, then great. I do incorporate a wide range of styles in what I write and perform, so there’s a good chance that something I do will hit the spot.

I’ve just released a new studio album for digital download.  No, I am not giving it away for free (giving away my stuff in the past hasn’t helped me gain fans anyway). Musicians have bills to pay, like all craftsmen/craftswomen. I REALLY shouldn’t have to explain this, but in this day and age where musical talent can be faked with software and those of us with real gifts are left in an industry bankrupt and bereft, without a leg to stand on, many of us feel forced to give our lifeblood away in any desperate bid to get noticed. The thing is, most of us literally cannot afford to do it. I cannot afford to do it. Furthermore, it’s worth far more than the modest price I’ve put on it anyway.  I owe it to the other fine musicians and the exceptional producer I worked with to bring this piece of art and labour of love to completion to not just ‘give it away’, as if all our hard work meant nothing. Good music, real music… it costs something.  It costs those of us who make it – it should cost those of you who hear it. It’s part of the deal – it costs us all, but we ALL get so much in return…look at it as an investment. And, finding something you personally can relate to…well, that value cannot be understated or underrated.

So, this album isn’t a freebie, but you can listen to the tracks on bandcamp without paying; however, if you want to own the album and listen whenever and wherever you are, get the special bonus track and extra artwork, as well as support me as an artist (I’ll be eternally grateful), well, then, surely that makes the tiny monetary price a worthy investment.

Thank you for reading and listening. I hope I will hear from you soon.  Most of all, I hope (there’s that four letter word again) my music will reach who will most benefit from hearing it. I’ll finish here and let the songs speak for themselves.

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Grab A Note and Hang On

What actually helps someone suffering from mental illness and chronic pain? Nothing goes so far as a combination of friendship and doing what you love.

Just doing what you love to do, whether with anyone else or not, is a therapy. But, add in doing it with people you like who also love doing what you do, and doing that thing together…well, magic can happen.

Magic happened this past Sunday, the 19th of July 2015.

In a life that is long and characterised by pain, it’s these moments that are the saving grace, and they deserve to be celebrated. They bring the closest thing to hope and happiness that we get. And, therefore, they are exceedingly precious.

I wish us all many more such moments.

Grab a note and hang on.

The Struggling Artist (Give Me A Chance)

The Struggling Artist (Give Me A Chance)

You get an eclectic mix in this blog, for sure. Because, I am an eclectic mix (and, those of you who follow my blog for pictures and/or witty quotes and/or thought-provoking messages, I ask you to forgive me for the shameless plugging; just wait a bit and I’m sure one or all of those things will make another appearance soon)… but, when it comes down to it, it all comes back to this here (and, so, I beg you to stay with me, please).

A couple of days ago, my husband decided to start a blog and begin posting some of his brilliant photography and artwork on WordPress because, he said, and I quote (hey, there’s your quote):

“There’s no point creating them if no one gets to see them.”

I feel that way about my music. And, in my struggle – and, in essence, my failure (I know, people dislike when I use that word, but get over it – call it what it is, dammit!) – to be heard, I have days when I just wonder why I continue to pay for a website that I really can’t afford if no one is discovering, enjoying and, yes, paying for my music. It is frustrating for the artist in me, and sometimes it’s downright so demoralising I cannot bear it. Today I stopped paying the $19.99 a month to ReverbNation for doing nothing for me (they’re supposed to promote me, distribute my music and gain me exposure…yeah). I still have my website (which I am loth to let go of at this time, but I wonder how long it will be… unless, oh, unless… sigh, it’s a dream, Autumn… no, Autumn, it’s not a dream, it’s a complete fantasyand yet, I still hope a fool’s hope). I know I’m not alone (not the only artist going through this). There is so much competition these days. It really isn’t anyone’s “fault” (or, if it is anyone’s, then it is everyone’s…); I am not placing blame and getting bitter (*twitch, twitch*), no, seriously and in complete honesty (having worked through those issues), I’m not trying to put a guilt trip on you (everyone) for not discovering my music and sharing it with the world (uh, yeah, more everyone).

So, this brings me to today and where I say with my husband, there’s no point in creating if we are not seen and heard. Ah, yes, notice I didn’t say, “if it isn’t seen and heard. For our art is the deepest expression of who WE ARE. To appreciate me is to appreciate my art; know me = know my music. And, so, I am giving people an opportunity to download one of my singles (Waterfall) and my album (Gloriously Autumnal) for FREE (that’s a whole album for free)! Now, when I say free, it is “name your price” – you can, if you choose, pay more than nothing for it (and, much appreciated if you do…it all goes to a good cause: paying my bills). Because, there they’ve been, just sitting on a virtual shelf, collecting virtual dust, and not being downloaded (and it breaks my heart and rips my soul to shreds…this is my very essence being ignored here). Why? Because people can’t be bothered and they are so spoiled for choice in the music world that my work gets completely lost in the mix. I’m asking for people to give it a chance. Like all music, it definitely won’t be EVERYONE’S cup of tea (I know and accept that). But, if you like it, you’ve discovered new music to speak to your heart. You have nothing to lose. And, we both have everything to gain. And, if you do like it, you may want to go ahead and purchase the single “Hope Breathing” (and, again, I would thank you muchly). So, over to you (everyone – and YOUI’m talking just to YOU – sitting there in front of your computer screen reading this, I see you); you can make a struggling artist’s day (week, month, year, really).  So, clickety-click that link at the top (which will take you to my Bandcamp site) and download some tunes. Thank you!

I now return you to your regularly scheduled blogdom (of pictures, witty and poetic nonsense, and everything from thought-provoking rants to inspirational devotions), already in progress.

Do Not Attempt To Dissect Me From My Art…

“Do not attempt to dissect me from my art: my art is the very essence – the deepest and truest expression – of who I am.” – Autumn Dawn Leader

When I first created this quote/picture, I did it out of frustration with people attempting to “get me to see my worth and value apart from my talent”. That never goes over too well with any artist (in any medium), really. It’s not that we are (all) unaware, or refuse to acknowledge, the other (perhaps good) stuff that’s in us.  It’s that we (primarily) want to be perceived and known by our “deepest and truest expression”.  So, that’s what this quote is about. I said it for all musicians, singers, songwriters,  painters, sculpters, photographers, etc. – all artists, everywhere.