Here’s a picture of frustration for you, and a personal metaphor.
I’ve been considering my inability to play the guitar. In theory, this instrument should not evade me. I should be able to play it. It isn’t like it’s difficult, or a mystery. Except, I just can’t. Like being able (or, rather, not able) to cope and function in life, the guitar remains a source of failure.
It would be nice, helpful, perhaps profitable, if I could play such a portal and versatile instrument.
It would also be fantastic, helpful, etc., if I could make and answer phone calls and face social situations (i.e. going out my door), not either fall apart in or, alternatively, avoid stressful situations (stressful situations = life), not wish with every breath that it’s my last breath.
But, the guitar won’t let me play it…no matter how I’ve tried. And, life is just as contrary and hostile.
I can still make beautiful music, of course. Just as I still have moments of happiness, small victories while, ultimately, losing the war. But, the things out of my reach affect me greatly.
For the musically (or, humorously) challenged, the title of this post is a play on words… the guitar being a fretted instrument. Don’t fret. Ha! Get it?
Why can’t I make the guitar and life sing for me? Well…it is what it is.
Not sure how to end this one. To stay with the music analogy, this post feels rather open ended and not resolving to the home chord…but, eh, I do that in songwriting all the time. So, yeah…life being as it is, I find it fitting to leave this…
Last night, for an event at my church called Jobel’s@7:07, I sang my cover version of the R.E.M. song “Everybody Hurts”, accompanied on guitar by the cosmically talented Mr. Bob Breeze.
The night was all about suffering, you see. Something that, well, if you’ve read many of my posts, you know I am not a stranger to.
I like this song, and I feel I did an overall good interpretation of it (it’s good; watch the vid, people!)…AND I certainly understand the lines that talk about days and nights being too long and feeling like one has had too much of this life. But…
It’s that encouragement to hang and hold on that gets me.
Oh, I know I’m not alone. I know that not everyone suffers from depression and mental illness, but – it’s true that – EVERYONE does hurt, sometimes. And, while many do not suffer with severe depression, anxiety, etc., there are quite a few who do. So, in these regards, I am not alone.
I also know that I am not alone when it comes to having an amazingly supportive husband, a few dear and precious friends, and a loving, saving, God of hope and healing.
Oh, yes. I am certainly not alone.
And yet… sometimes holding/hanging on is more than difficult; it is excrutiating.
And, I know…
I’m not alone.