A Thought For A Grey Winter’s Day

It’s easy to cut people from one’s life using the popular excuse that they are ‘toxic’. And, there should be no doubt that place should never be given to manipulative, gaslighting, narcissistic persons. However…

I see too much of ‘difficult’ individuals getting discarded by people using the toxic excuse, when these individuals aren’t toxic at all; they are simply different. They may be wounded. They may deal with life and its frustrations and disappointments in a way that you disagree with. They may feel about matters very differently than you do. But, different isn’t toxic. And, giving up on someone and their friendship means you miss out on seeing things from another perspective than your own.

I guess many people are afraid of looking – really looking – at things from a different perspective than their own. And, I see friendships lost because of this stubbornness. 

A recent situation between two friends of mine has brought my song ‘Incomprehensible‘ to mind:

‘We’re at an impasse, no bridge exists between our worlds. And neither one can fathom the view from the other’s eyes.’

Yet, there should be some fathoming going on! 

Alas, I fear that both of my friends are unwilling to see things from the other side. One feels they have the moral high ground and doesn’t seem to want to give an inch. The other isn’t in a place where they can make allowances for such an ideological view of things. Impasse. Sad. 

Friendship is precious. Life and loss is painful. Compassion remains the key and can act as interpreter. But, now I’m just getting lofty and preachy and sounding ideological myself, and I’m not an idealist; I’m a realist.

I guess I’m just frustrated at my own inability to get these two to mend up their friendship, as well as being annoyed with the general way of things.

There’s no way to end this post except with a deep, heavy sigh…oh, and a link to that song.




A song exploring the communication problems between those of us with chronic pain and mental illness and those without.

I can explain it to you…


Do you ever feel like a radical whirlwind, like a tempest? A force of nature. A force with which to be reckoned. I do. I really do. Sometimes.

However, most days I feel more like an anaemic breeze, just a whisper of a wind, fighting to be heard – to be understood  – above the clamour.


Most days we can talk and we can blog until we’re blue in the face, but people hear only what they want to hear and see only what they want to see, and their preconceived notions and judgements make us incomprehensible to them.

So, why do we keep fighting this losing battle? Why do I?

I’m a glutton for punishment.

Paul prayed for the church of Ephesus that God would open the eyes of their understanding. No one will ever be convinced by debate or argument (no matter the passion of the debater nor how well-informed and educated the argument is). Arguments are never won, regardless the eloquence of the words or the intelligence of the one who speaks/writes them. They (the arguments/debates) can be conceded and defaulted, and you can live to beat someone over the head with your club another day. But, until the other person “sees” it, there will be no convincing them. This is a matter of revelation. The aha! The epiphany. And, you can pray for people to have that, but you can’t make them have it.

I can explain it to you. But I cannot understand it for you. If you are determined not to get me, you won’t.  And so, to get along, to function in society, we agree to disagree. Or, we don’t, and wars (big and small) ensue. But, what if we all prayed that the eyes of our understanding would be opened and enlightened? What might happen then? What if we were no longer incomprehensible? What if we all really understood?

Food for thought? Or me just beating the drum again…