It’s A Borderline Thing

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So, yesterday’s post got me into some trouble with a friend. I wouldn’t have wanted to deliberately disturb or hurt my friend, of course.  But, hey, it does seem to be a borderline thing. We lose friends like leaves falling off trees.  It’s not easy being green and it isn’t easy being (and staying) a friend to a squishy brainer. People that don’t suffer with these conditions tend to misinterpret the actions of a borderline.  At first, it made me question whether I should be so open in this blog.  But, I appreciate knowing I’m not alone when I read other bloggers on here who also struggle with mental illness.  One blogger that I follow has shared things I haven’t dared share (they would make my friend run a mile – or several miles, in fact, and put up a giant wall and maybe get attack dogs), but I so appreciate that she has written of these things, because I can identify, and it’s a comfort to know I’m not alone in going through the situations she’s written so frankly about.

 

I’m happy to report that I didn’t lose this particular friend.  He’s decided to stick around for now, and hopefully long term.  But, I think I explained myself poorly last night when he came over and confronted me about what he felt to be ’emotional blackmail’.

 

All the borderlines are now nodding their heads.  This sounds familiar, doesn’t it?  We get accused of being emotionally manipulative.  We are extremely emotional, our feelings are overwhelming. And, when we can either no longer keep the mask in place and hold them in, or we simply choose – like on this blog – to express how we feel and what we are going through, it makes “the normals” uncomfortable and many feel they must rationalise it by accusing us of being this way just to control them. But, while I can’t speak for my fellow borderlines, I can say that I never intend to manipulate another person, and I feel that if THEY feel manipulated, then that’s more THEIR hang-up than mine. I’m sharing how I feel, not to get something out of anyone else, but to rant and rage at life as it is.  Sure, it’s great if the regular non-squishy brain types find the blog informative, if it dispels some stigma, if it softens a few negative opinions about those of us who struggle with chronic pain and mental illness, but that’s not the main reason I blog. This is my place where the mask can come off. And, yes, sometimes, the gloves come off, as well.  This my place to be brutal.  But, it’s not a brutality aimed to hurt anyone – it isn’t malicious, even when I am furiously angry at life – well, it might be malicious toward life itself, yes.  But, it isn’t a maliciousness aimed against any person in order to try and get my way.  It’s just me having a place to talk, to really talk, to bring it out in the open instead of suffering with it in silence.

 

So, some points:

1. When I post here, the farthest thing from my mind is how what I’m saying may pressure you into doing something for me. Again, if you feel that way, it might be an issue of your perception.  What it is NOT is my manipulation!

2. When I post here, as uncomfortable (or, in some cases, impossible) as it may be for some to understand, this is where I am right now. It isn’t something I chose. I am going to repeat that: it isn’t something I chose. The question is, should I choose to openly share about it.  And, as I say, that’s what I’ve been asking myself today: should I continue to post my experiences and feelings and how chronic illness, and life itself, affects me?  Or, should I stop?  Should I bury it.  Never expound on it. Only refer to it in songs that people can either ignore or choose to interpret in another way? This sounds harsh, but is your comfort more important than mine? I’m honestly – and, without malice – asking the question.

3. No, I don’t want to feel the way I do all the time, but I don’t think that my mental illness necessarily makes me wrong all the time. I do see a lot of things very differently, yes.  But, I’m not convinced that just because my brain is squishy means everything I think is messed up.  I am a creative person, and expressing myself here is an outlet, an unleashing and releasing.  It helps me, and sometimes it helps others, too.

 

So, maybe it’s a situation of, take the good with (what you consider) bad.  And, realise, this blog isn’t some sort of agenda to get my way.  It isn’t an act to get attention.  Sometimes, yes, it IS a cry for help (I’ll give you that one), and – though it might really scare you – I’m not alone in how I think and feel; there are many of us here.  We are sorry if we make you uncomfortable or feel threatened, but try not to judge or blame us – if you want to blame anything, then, like us, blame life, and rage against it a while with us, because it really is a bastard.

 

In other news, (pardon this bit of shameless plugging) I updated my bandcamp page, doing some sound edits, improving some bits here and there, and it’s all there waiting for you to discover. Now, shall I emotionally blackmail you to check out my music? Ha ha, ’tis a joke.  I want people to like my music and download it because they like it, not because they feel like they’ve been railroaded into buying something they don’t really want.  If you like the music, YAY. I work hard on it, and it is the very deepest expression of my soul.  And, yes, like all independent musicians, I can use all the support I can get.  So, if you haven’t checked out my music yet, give it a go.  If you’ve checked it out before, why not take another listen to see if there’s anything new you might have missed.  Oh, yeah, and of course, I could really use the validation. :p  There I go again. 😀

 

Here’s just one of the songs you’ll find there… listen:

 

 

 

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Getting What You Deserve

Every woman deserves a man who calls her baby, kisses her like he means it, holds her tight like he never wants to let go, doesn’t cheat, wipes her tears when she cries, doesn’t make her jealous of other women, instead makes other women jealous of her, is not scared to let his friends know how he really feels about her, and lets her know how much he really loves her….. Repost if you agree…

 

I’ve been seeing this pop up on a few people’s status messages on Facebook today, and it allows me to expound on a subject near and dear to my heart; it lets me rant about a pet peeve. 

I would never repost such a thing.  And, when I go into my strong opinions as to why, I am sure I will get criticised. However, I’m still going to share, because I feel strongly that, while the great throng of men (specifically husbands) do not need me to defend them, I, as a woman, am willing to both be brutally honest and be supportive of the other side of the story. And, there most definitely is another side!

 See, I cannot imagine a status message coming out which reads something like:

 

Every man (specifically husband) deserves a woman (wife) who treats him with respect, encourages his dreams, allows him to be a man, regularly falls on her knees in front of him and rocks his world, regularly meets him at the door and delivers more than just a promise (that later is likely to get broken by “a headache” or some other lame excuse), doesn’t make him jealous of other men but goes out of her way to give him bragging rights with other men (making them wish they had wives like her), gives him no time to even look at another woman because she knows exactly what he wants and delights in giving it to him: she knows him so well, loves and desires and needs and wants him so much and knows if she wants him to respond to her like she wants him to she’s gotta give in order to receive……Repost if you agree…

 

 In other words, this woman doesn’t get the cart before the horse, and she doesn’t just expect all that stuff in the  “every woman (wife) deserves message” unless she’s ready and willing to do what’s in the “every man (husband) deserves message”!   See, I’m tired of all the people who think the ball is always in the man’s court and that they have to earn certain things from their wives. There are women who tend to think that sex is something they pay their husband IF – and only IF – their husband doesn’t annoy them, instead of seeing it for what it is: a need.

 Now, I realise I have a slight advantage over many women, in that I have I have a higher than average sex-drive than the average female.  But, even if you find yourself in the average category, I still don’t see how this excuses you. Sex isn’t a favour. It’s not a weapon. It shouldn’t be withheld when he isn’t changing like you think he should change and it shouldn’t be given as a reward for when he does change or do what you want him to do. You should desire it as much as he does, but even if you don’t desire it as intensely, darlin’, I can promise you that by giving in this area you are the one who will win, because he is much more likely to bend in areas for you if you will rock his world in areas for him. But, as much as I’d like to camp on sex, this isn’t only about sex.

This is about not being a controlling, nagging, non-encouraging, manipulating woman (wife).  It’s about not using emotional blackmail to manipulate and control and emasculate your husband, just as it is about not using sex as leverage.  It’s about respect. Because, Sweet Cheeks, if you want  – or think you deserve – all that stuff in the first message, then you must deserve it, indeed. You aren’t entitled to it unless you are willing to do and be the second message.

So, I wonder how many people would repost it if I posted a message like the one I have written here in this blog on the mighty Facebook. I bet a great many of men would, but, unfortunately, I also suspect they’d get attacked for doing it. I know a few extremely rare and beautiful women – who I love dearly – who would do it, as well.  But, I know a great many more who will be offended and angry at me and, most likely, hit me with, “How dare you?”  Even sadder yet will be the men who defend such women. And, for those of you who do that, I would suggest that you are getting exactly what you deserve!