More and More Introverted

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I am an introvert. It doesn’t happen to be one of my many flaws. It isn’t a mental illness. I freely admit that I am mentally ill, with many issues which negatively affect my daily life. However, being an introvert isn’t a negative; it isn’t an illness anymore than being extrovert is.

An extrovert is energised by social interaction. They are the people who have places to go and people to see.

An introvert may occasionally find social interaction interesting and even enjoyable to varying degrees, but they will also find it draining.

The extrovert needs to be “out there” to recharge, while the “out there” will sap the introvert’s battery.

Now, no doubt, my illness compounds my avoidance of many social situations, and can make even shopping or taking the kids to school a challenge. My prevalent state could be called “manic hermit”. The fact that I have…disabilities… can (and do indeed) play on my normal (nothing wrong with it) introverted nature…which can, then, make people think there is something very wrong with it/me. Yeah…I have to fight the urge to do the hermit-thing all the time. As I say, the illness can compound matters.

I do fight/have fought. But, more and more, I enjoy the retreat, the solitude, the away-ness from humans and humanity (how they/it can annoy me).

I find solace in my books, my music, in my thoughts about the nature of the soul. I also find creativity here, in the place of solitude and silence.

I don’t hate people, but I can find them frustrating and draining. At least in large doses! I have people I am quite fond of…ones I am incredibly grateful for, and some I could not do without.

But the dragon (and, the dragon I am) needs her cave. And…that ISN’T one of the things that is wrong with me.

I just felt the need to affirm that.

So, here’s to all of us, introverts and extroverts. Be who you are and recharge as you were designed to.

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On A Happy Note

After yesterday’s post (here: http://songmistress.posterous.com/making-the-dance-bearable <—- everyone should read it, more people need to “get it”), I figured it was time to post a positive:

I am really digging my new hair cut! I call this picture “Time To Smile”:  

Time_to_smile

 

I like how this style expresses my personality, and I like how it shows off my musical ink (thus the happy note). I admit, even though it was completely my decision to go with this style, I was afraid that I would regret it the day after I had it done. I don’t regret it, and I am constantly amazed that I don’t. On the contrary, I am really happy with it.  It is really nice that other people are telling me they (honestly) like it and that it suits me. They also tell me that it is very brave.  Well, part of it (the left side and the back) is brave… but, this is why I have the right side… the long side that covers, rather than exposes – because, while part of me is…exibitionist/performer, the other part is, most definitely, a socially awkward introvert. I am a walking contradiction. Why shouldn’t my hair be, as well? I like the way it feels, and I like the way it feels (some will understand this, some won’t). I like the way it looks. It helps a lot that my Jamie thinks it’s super sexy, but the nicest thing of all about it is not what anyone else thinks. It’s what I think about it. How liberating is that? So, it’s time for a happy note, a time to smile: it’s a moment of grace in “The Dance”.